Like brushing your teeth

I am feeling like a bad mother again. I sometimes feel like I can't do what I need to do to get M to independently follow her diabetes regimen. I mean, I have to get her to do this independently BEFORE she heads off to college in a few years, right? I can't be her helicopter mom for all eternity, can I? It goes against all of my Montessori training.

I am reading a book suggested by Jaqui, Think Like a Pancreas (God, how I miss reading fiction!). The author mentioned that to maintain tight bg control, one must test his bg at least four times per day.

Now I know this, and we ask M to do it, ask her what her bg levels were at breakfast, lunch, after school, etc. We think that she should test her bg at least 5 times per day, and we try to be sure that she does it.

But something about the way it was phrased in the book made me look over at the meter that M had left on the dining room table, and check her last 5 bg test results. I mean, she had already told me that her bg was 196 at breakfast and 209 at lunch. I had just had her check it at dinner, and it was 67, which I saw for myself.

Of course, any reader of this blog is unlikely to be surprised that I discovered that the 67 was the only time that M had checked her bg in the last 24 hours.

I shared my new found knowledge with Bill. He took off his glasses, sighed, and asked which one of us should talk to her about it. It was clear that neither of us did. When confronted with her own lack of discipline in this area, M tends to get ugly. High-pitched whining and angry spitting are common. Less common, but also to be anticipated, are the spinning head and the pea-soup vomit.

Rock smashed scissors and off I went to the lair of the diabetic beast.

Producing the meter, I asked M in a gentle voice why she thinks she should make up bg numbers (The voice really was gentle, I am not being sarcastic).

Her response: "I don't know. It's just easier."

Clearly my darling is a short-term thinker. Instant gratification is the name of the game, and if "I don't think about it now, it might just go away."

Except it doesn't.

I tell her that we try allowing her more independence, and try not bugging her about her diabetes all the time. We try to allow her to step up and take care of herself, but she hasn't once demonstrated the success level that would make us comfortable. I tell her that I really need her to be trained to care for herself properly, so that she will stay healthy when she goes off to college in the future. Then I ask her how we can do that.

Remembering how long it took her to brush her teeth on a regular basis, I asked if we would need to check her meter every night and sit on her for the next two years until it became a habit. I was half joking, but her answer surprised me.

"I don't know. Maybe."

Then she told me that she was really sorry that she was worrying us, and that she means to check her bg, but she just forgets. She really means it. And I know it.

I know that she is not doing this to upset us. I know that she just forgets.

I think that's what worries me the most.

So, for now, we will check her meter at 8:00 pm every night for the next two years. And hopefully testing her bg will go the way of brushing her teeth, and become a real habit.

After this, I will do everything in my power to control by bg levels!