Frequently, however, I climb into bed late at night and, sometimes in the spirit of conservation, and sometimes because my beloved husband is already asleep, I put on my pajamas in the dark.
The bottoms are no problem. There is a drawstring in the front, which allows me to determine which way I should insert my legs for maximum comfort.
The top, however, presents some challenges. First of all, as I mentioned, it is black. When the light is out, my top sort of blends in with the atmosphere. Secondly, it is tagless, making it far more challenging to face the top the correct way whilst inserting my head into the neck hole.
Yes, I feel around, to see if I can differentiate the slightly rougher surface of the print that replaces the tag. Or, sometimes I hold it up to my face so that I can try to decipher the white print against the black fabric. Neither of these actually provide me with enough certainty to feel 100% confident that I will put the shirt on correctly.
But, nearly always, I do.
I hadn't thought about how lucky I had been on the shirt front until last night, when I put it on wrong.
I realized that putting on this black tagless shirt in the dark was a lot like trying to get good A1Cs. I know I have mentioned these ethereal numbers in previous posts, but I still feel like I don't understand how M manages to get good numbers regularly.
Like the shirt, I have some clues, but they are not always easy to see or reliable.
Clue number 1: You have bg levels "in range" (aka "good") somewhat regularly
Clue number 2: Your insulin doses have been "reasonable"
Clue number 3: Your carb count has been "in range" (aka "reasonable")
Do you see how vague this is?
I have to confess that there have been months where M's bg levels were more or less all over the place, but her A1C count was 6.5. In diabetesland, this is considered very good, especially for a young person.
Don't get me wrong. We all try very hard to keep her on course. We have her measure her food. We double check her math, and adjust her insulin doses to keep her bg levels "in range", but sometimes I feel like we are just winging it and getting lucky.
I will have to keep you posted about M's A1C results at her next appointment with her DNE. After all, with all the crazy bg levels she's had over the past few weeks, the data would seem to indicate a poor ("out of range") A1C level. But who knows?
I don't know if M feels the same way about her A1C results as I do. She always seems both relieved and proud that her A1Cs are in range. She also takes it very hard when they are any higher than 7.5.
Very hard.
It's not that she is a perfectionist or anything, but sometimes I think that she feels that all of the hard work she does just isn't worth it.
I hope she will always remember what she told me a few days after she was diagnosed:"I hope I will always remember how bad I felt before I was diagnosed, so that I will do everything I need to."
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